You know it used to really bother me when people asked me why I’m still single. As if it’s not already obvious that I don’t have a man, they call attention to it. They say things like, “Girl you’ve got so much going for yourself. You’re so pretty. You’re smart. You have your own businesses. Any man would be lucky to have you.” While all of that is true, it somehow still had me looking at myself like something was wrong with me. Like all I had to offer just wasn’t enough for the right one to come along and swoop me off my feet. Like me being everything I am just wasn’t enough. Like I was doing something wrong by not focusing on dating. Like I was not pretty enough, not fit enough, not wifey-material enough for anyone to recognize it.
I started to think about how maybe I’m too intimidating. Or maybe I’m just “too much” for a guy I’d like to want to approach me. Or maybe I’m too opinionated. Or maybe I’m too much of an independent Black Woman for any man to see my need for him. Or maybe my standards are too high and unrealistic. Or maybe the type of man I’d be interested in marrying just doesn’t exist.
What people don’t realize when they say stuff like this is it forces you to look at yourself with intense scrutiny. You end up taking the positive things they say about you and somehow turn it on yourself – or at least that’s what I did.
I just don’t understand why it’s even socially acceptable to consistently ask women about their love lives when they’re single. Because even if I had an existent love life that doesn’t mean I’d want to share every detail of it with you.
I know I’m not the only one that has to avoid the awkward conversations about when I’m going to start dating. Or why I still haven’t been on a date in 2 years. Maybe it’s because I’m focused. Maybe it’s because I care not to waste my time on anyone who’s not worth my time. Maybe it’s because I am busy getting this money. Yeah, that’s it. Too much money out here to be made for me to be sitting around, twiddling my thumbs waiting to get chose.
The thought of being alone forever scares me. I’d be lying if I said anything different. That’s my truth. BUT the thought of marrying the wrong one scares me even more. So singleness it is!
Being single isn’t easy, but you have to focus on what matters.
It’s hard, though, because being single isn’t easy. Especially when you see other people your age getting married, having kids, and all that comes with that. As much as I’d like to say that I don’t think about it, I do.
But I’ve learned to always bounce back when I start thinking like that. I’ve learned to consume myself in the things that matter most. So I, personally, get lost in my purpose and lost in the love of God.
To those that love to ask the “Girl, why are you still single?”-type questions…
Let me share with you how that feels… It’s kind of like saying to a married woman, “You and your husband are such a beautiful couple, I think you guys are really great together. Is he still faithful to you?” Inappropriate, right? While your husband may still be faithful to you, it’s going to add another level of insecurity about the positive thing that came right before it.
Or like saying, “Wow, your hair always looks so good, but what happened to your edges?” I think it’s apparent to everyone that you ain’t got no edges, but that doesn’t mean you call it out, you know?
Or here’s another example: “Wow, you’re so beautiful. You’ve got so much going for yourself, and you’re amazing all around, but I noticed you picked up weight. How much do you weigh now? When are you going to lose weight?”
If somebody called out your thinning edges, the extra weight you’ve been trying to ignore, or insinuated that your husband is unfaithful, would you feel comfortable? Or would you go home, look yourself in the mirror and find ways to cover it up?
Welp, that’s what I did with my singleness.
Here’s what I did to cover up how my singleness made me feel…
I found ways to act like it didn’t bother me, until God helped revealed a few things to me, and it just didn’t bother me anymore. God had to show me that He was letting me live my best life. And, right now, my best life doesn’t include a boyfriend or a husband. Being single is no indication of my character or self-worth, it’s just an indication that it just isn’t time, yet.
While the cases I mentioned may be extreme to you, I don’t know how else to explain the fact that asking a single woman about her love life is both inappropriate and uncalled for.
So what if you’re STILL single! Make the most of your single season…
I’ve grown to love being single. I’ll be honest, at first being single bothered me, but I realized that there’s so much more to life than romantic relationships. Love and romance are fun and exciting when you have them, but that doesn’t mean that your life means nothing without it.
I’ve learned to travel the world. Do what I love to do. Spend my time and money how I want it. Plus, my edges are flourishing! LOL, let me get back on track…
So when they ask you why you’re still single, say this:
- NOTHING! You don’t owe them anything.
And instead of responding, remember to say this to yourself:
Being alone doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with me. In time, the right guy will come along if it’s God’s will for my life. Until then, my only focus is pursuing my purpose and stacking my coins.